Humor While We Wait:

KTFA:

Kimbu:  Covid-19 killed chuck norris today. Thankfully he got better, and now covid -19 is in a 14 day quarentine for being exposed to chuck.

Iggy:  Little Johnny comes downstairs crying.His mother asked, "What’s the matter little Johnny?"
"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb on with the hammer!" said little
Johnny through his tears.His mother was touched by the boy's sensitivity, but didn't like seeing him cry.
"That’s not so serious." She tried to soothe him. "Now I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. That's something to laugh about."
"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

Sabickford:  Being a Man is not easy - No Makeup, No wig,. If you're Ugly you just have to deal with it.

To All Politicians - Sorry I sprayed that WD-40 in your mouth, but it did stop that annoying noise it was making.

You know you're old when your knees give a more accurate weather forecast than the guy on the TV.

My Grand kids asked me what it was like growing up in the 60;s so I took their cell phones away & turned off the internet.

That Awkward moment when a Zombie is looking for Brains and walks right By you.

I'm going to try and act like a normal, Happy, Mentally Balanced Person Today… WISH ME LUCK!

New Math: You have $400. Your Dude text he need $200 and you ex text he need $100. How much do you have left? Me $400 and 2 unread texts

It's been king of a strange day. First I found a Hat full of Money, Then I got chased by a angry man with a Guitar.

I would like to publicly announce that I have no idea what I'm doing.

I don't think inside the box. I don't think outside the box either. I don't even know where the box is!

Why must I prove who I am in order to pay my bills over the phone? So Strangers call to pay my bills? And if they do why don't you let them?

Why are there never good side effects? I would like to read a medication bottle and see "May smooth wrinkles"

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what's going on, and now I have to Pee.

Remember when you were little and you could just rip off your diaper and run around naked. Everybody thought it was cute and funny? Anyway I need bail money.

I'll tell you why I can't lose Weight. I've got Metal Fillings in my teeth and the Refrigerator Magnets keep pulling me into the Kitchen.

Confuse your Doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

One Big difference between men and women is that when Women say "Smell This!" it usually smells nice.

No matter how smart you are you can never convince someone stupid that they are stupid.

When your Happy and you know it - It's Your Meds!!

Me: It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get up! Cop: That's not the way a Sobriety test works.

Behind every Angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong!

You never really learn to curse until you learn to drive.

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

If a man is alone in the forest, and he says something, and there's no woman there to disagree with him. Is he still wrong?

I stepped on my scale this morning. It said: "Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on the scale."

Quotes from Famous People~Enjoy

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.  - Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. - Joe Namath

I don't feel old.. I don't feel anything until noon. - Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.   - Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal  

 And the cardiologist's diet:  If it tastes good spit it out. - Billy Crystal  

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt