TNT: 

Humor (While we wait) From Recaps Archives

Sabickford: I don't just march to my own drum, I lead the parade

So I was at the Bar last night and the waitress yelled "Anyone Know CPR?" and I said "Hell I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed. Well everyone but this one guy.

Deep thought for the day: When you clean out your vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner

To The non Believers - Go ahead and keep rolling your eyes honey, maybe you'll find a brain back there

Sometimes I just want someone to say," I know it's hard. It's going to be okay. Here's a coffee. And 5 Million Dollars."

I think I'm allergic to Chocolate. My Butt and Thighs are showing definite signs of swelling

Grant me wine to accept the things I cannot change, Coffee to change the things I can and a opaque mug so my co-workers can't tell the difference

Remember: Don't make old people MAD. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

Men of few words are usually married to women with many of them.

Stupid people are like Glow Sticks. I Wanna Snap 'em and Shake them till the light goes on.

Life is like a roller coaster. You can either scream every time there is a bump or you can throw up your hands and Enjoy the Ride.

20 years ago we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash and Steve Jobs. Now we have No Hope, No Cash, and No Jobs. Please Lord don't let Kevin Bacon Die.

I always mean what I say….I may not mean to say it out loud but I always mean it.

There are two rules to Success. 1. Never tell everything you know.

I've decided not to have kids. The Kids are taking it really hard.

Burning a bridge takes too long. I prefer explosives!

Parenting: Eating the last three cookies because you have four children.

Kids. They struggle to pronounce words properly. But if they hear a swear word They repeat it perfectly.

Finding Friends with the same mental disorders as you….Priceless!

I decided to reward myself with a well-earned glass of wine after a long week. Then realized it was Tuesday Morning.

Everyone should believe in something. I Believe I should be on the beach drinking margaritas.

The answer may not lie at the bottom of a bottle of wine, But you should at least check.

I put my symptoms on WebMD and it turns out I just need to be on a beach drinking beer!

Finally My Winter Fat is GONE!!!! I now Have Spring Rolls.

When I'm quiet, people who don't know me think I'm Shy. People who do know me think: "OMG! He's Thinking! Everybody RUN!!!"

Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.

Marriage counseling - Because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being a Ass

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, back off to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.

Angry people who can't take a joke have no idea how hilarious they are to the rest of us who can.

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Mot: ~~ and Here YOU Thought YOU Had Issues! ~~

Mot:  ..... Soooo Many Uses.. comes only Once a Year!! ~~

Mot:  -- HUH???? What You Say????~~~~~

Mot:  Be Aware of the Recall in process!! ~~ Here to Help OUt I Is! ~~~

Mot:  ..... Sooooooooooo ~~~

Mot:  . Now Ya Knows How He Does it All in One Night! ~~

Mot:  ..... Working with the Seasoned - ""Wee Ones"" at Easter! ~~