Saturday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  A husband went to police station to report his missing wife

Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband : Oh, 5 something . . .

Sergeant: Build?

Husband : Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband : Never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband : Changes according to season.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband : Dress/suit/blue jeans — I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: Did she go in a car?

Husband : Yes.

Sergeant: What kind of car was it?

Husband : 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door… at this point the husband started crying.

Sergeant : Don’t worry sir … We will find your car.

************

Mot:  A man is driving down a country road when he spots an Fellow standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the Fellow is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the Fellow and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The Fellow replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

Mot: ........ YEPPERS!!!! ~~~~

Mot: . Ya Ever Wonder! - WHY -

Mot: ... Must be Relatives out There!! ~~~~

Mot:  ... My Kind of Gal! ~~~~~

Mot:  ~~ A Ghost Tries to Scare a Couple Guys! ~~  moving picture

Saturday Night "Kicks and Grins" posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  My wife started reading the Exorcist on the............... ((( and then the Fight Started )))........

My wife started reading the Exorcist on the train to work.

She said " she thought it was the most evil book she had ever read".

She said "it was so evil she couldn't finish it".

So, at the weekend she went to the end of the pier and threw it into the sea.

So I went to the local book store and I bought another copy .

Then I put it in water for two hours. and left on her dressing table for her to find it..

Mot:  "My wife forgot to leave for me the carseat to take our son to the babysitter's house.

This is the picture I sent when she asked how I was going to get him there.

I then turned off my phone for the next 4 hours."

Mot:  This is (allegedly) the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYsdUgEgJrY

Mor: ... Ur Welcome! - Sooo Glad to Help Out! ~Dad helps with costume

Mot: ........ Clever!! ~~~~~~

Mot:  ... soooo - This is What Happens on ~~~

"Humor While We Wait" posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot: My boss said he wasn’t getting enough respect - so he ......

My boss said he wasn’t getting enough respect - so he taped a sign to his door that read: “I’m the Boss"

He returned from lunch later and found someone had taped a note to the sign that said:

” Your wife called, she wants her sign back"

Mot:  ~~~ Ya Know - Ya Just Gots to Love ole ""Fred"" ~~~

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.. Bob sat up and watched me all night."

With age comes wisdom.

 **************

Mot:  .. Sooo Getting REady fur the Big Day!! ~~~~

Mot : ....... Dang!! - its even in the Air!! ~~

Mot:  ~~ Guess Who Went fur a Practise Ride Last Night!! ~~~

Mot: ...... All the Best! ~~~~~have a beautiful night

Sabickford's "Greatest Hits" Reposted Per Request

Thank you Sabickford!

Sabickford’s “Greatest Hits”  From Recaps Archives

I'm not saying it's hot outside but two Hobbits just threw a ring into my backyard

Warning- going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday

I want to start juicing but I'm hesitant, I don't know how to juice Tacos

I've finally lost my mind. If found Don't bother to return it. It wasn't working properly anyway.

For the first time in forever, I decided to go shoot some pool tonight. You should have seen the look on the face of those swimmers.

Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

I had My Wife Begging to me the other night - She was on her knees Begging - She Said Please come out from under the Bed and Fight Like A Man

I only do what the voices in my wife's head tell her to tell me to do…

Chinese proverb: "Man who want nurse for girlfriend must be patient"

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

I'm great at multi-tasking - I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Tomorrow is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day!" I just made that up. Tell the Others,

I was born with my heart on my sleeve, a fire in my soul, and a mouth I can't control

Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you

It's ok to swallow your pride, You won't gain a pound

Inside me is a thin man trying to get out…I usually shut him up with chocolate.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.

I hate it when the voices in my heads go Silent… I never know what they are planning.

How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I have to eat before I start seeing results?

Wouldn't it be really fun if breast implants came with Squeaky toys inside them?

I'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces from now and then.

Nothing Says 'I HATE YOU" like giving someone's Kid a Drum Set

TEENAGERS tired of being harassed by your parents? ACT NOW move out, get a job, and Pay your own way , QUICK while you still know everything!

A State trooper was asked on a Exam "What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?" In the Blank he put "Call for Backup!!!"

The cashier said Strip down, facing me. How was I to know she meant my debit card?

To All Trolls - So tell me.. Is your butt aware that you head had moved in?

When people cut you down or talk behind your back remember, they took time out of their pathetic lives to think about you.

You're not drunk until you have to grab onto the grass to keep from falling off the earth.

Sometimes life bites you in the Butt. Thankfully I have enough padding there to take the hit.

I sometimes put a sticky note on someone's car saying "Sorry for the Damage" . It's kind of funny watching them look for the damage.

Be the reason someone smiles today! Or the reason they drink. Whatever works.

I need a part-time job that pays $30,000 a week.

My brain is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by…

Don't they already have enough comedians in Politics?

Karma is like a rubber band. You can only stretch it so far before it comes back and SMACKS you in the face.

Never water yourself down just because someone can't handle you 100 proof

A police office came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 & 6. He seemed annoyed when I answered 'Kindergarten"

The more you weigh the harder you are to kidnap. Stay Safe - Eat cake.

I'm 100% sure I called shotgun, while you were shoving me in the back. Yea I realize I'm being arrested but the rules of shotgun are pretty clear, Man.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you need to be 'Saved" or you will "Burn". Stupid Firemen

I started on a new diet. It's called the "I have $10 until Friday" diet

Not one drop of my self worth depends on your acceptance of me

If procrastination was an Olympic Sport, I'd compete in it later.

I Think my problem is that I have really Fantastic bad ideas

I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from their level of perception.

Don't believe all the rumors you hear about me, the truth is much worse.

Old People at weddings always poke me and say "You're Next!" So I started doing the same thing to them at Funerals.

I Hate Tacos! Said No Juan Ever

I have been putting a lot of thought into it and I don't think being an adult will work for me.

Sometimes the first steps to forgiveness is understanding the other person is an idiot.

I hate the term "Crazy" - I Prefer Happy with Benefits.

When I was a kid you didn't have to say "Don't Try This At Home!" Because we weren't complete morons back then.

I believe that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise

When does Hibernation start because I am 100% participating in that.

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain has given hope to many people.

Insanity is Hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I'm not much on Seizing the Day, I just poke at it with a stick.

I swear some people need a stamp on their forehead saying "DON"T REPRODUCE"

My bank has a new service where they text you your balance. It's cool, I just don't think they should add "LOL" at the end

If Being sarcastic burned calories, I'd be transparent by now.

“I need to talk to you!!" These six words have the ability to make you instantly recall every bad thing you have ever done, and some you didn't

You know it's been a good day when you didn't have to unleash the flying monkeys.

Don't be afraid of being outnumbered. Remember Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together.

Relationships are like a walk in the park- Jurassic park

The hardest part of parenting is trying to fake mad when your kid does something bad but Hilarious.

My soulmate is out there somewhere, pushing a pull door. I just know it.

Now they've invented a pregnancy test with a curved handle so you don't get pee on your hands. Listen, if you aren't ready to get pee on your hands, you definitely NOT ready for Motherhood.

Our town was so small the we didn't have a town Drunk, So we all took turns.

 Look, I'm trying to Rant Here. Stop interrupting me with Facts and Reason

Not to Brag.. I don't even need alcohol to make bad decisions.

I am fluent in three languages…English, Sarcasm, and Profanity

My Morning coffee makes me feel like I have my stuff together. I don't. But it makes me feel like I do.

My son asked me to explain women to him, SO I bought him a Xbox game for his PlayStation.

I don't need someone who sees the good in me. I need someone who sees the Bad and still wants me.

You are going to be Fine. You come from a long line of Lunatics.

I think I need professional Help. A Chef, A Butler and A Maid should do it.

In a packed Elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now Demonstrate the Mating call of a Whale.

If you line up all your Ex's in a row you can see the flow chart of your mental Illness.

Don't use the Bathroom in your dream…It's a Setup!!!

Before you ask me to babysit I think you should know that I think kids are super funny when they're drunk.

Eggs are fantastic for a fitness Diet. Don't like the taste? Add cocoa, butter, flour, sugar & butter. Bake 30 Min.

Got emotions? There's Alcohol for that.

And then alcohol said "put that on Facebook, it's hilarious". But alcohol was wrong, So Very wrong.

Sometimes it's just more fun to take the low road.

Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.

Some things are better left unsaid. Which I realize right after I have said them.

Someone offered me grapes but I declined. I'm not used to taking wine in pill form.

I'm not Cheap, but I am on special this week.

That awkward moment when you're singing a song you often sang as a child - and you suddenly understand the lyrics.

Judging by the looks of my hair this morning, I think I may be a Muppet.

Shout out to everyone who got through the day without taking a nap. Pulled a All-Dayer! Pretty Cool!

I think way too many people have been drinking from the Fountain of Stupid

Well what day will you have time for my shenanigans?

Lieabetes (Lie-a-bee-tees) -noun- A serious affliction some people suffer from that prevents them from being able to tell the truth regardless of the situation.

I Planned to take over the world, But I'm Tired

I found some things to do today. They're called mimosas

Wine-O-Lympics Everyone's a winner in these games

The revised Serenity Prayer…God grant me the strength to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the devoted friends who will post bail money when I snap.

Redneck word of the Week Twerk….Imma have two more beers then it's back to TWERK

This antidepressant works best if you take it with water lapping near your hammock on a Caribbean beach.

I've expanded my skills. I can now forget what I'm doing while I'm actually doing it.

I never thought I would be the kind of person that would get up early to exercise. I was right.

Wish me luck in the Olympics. Just kidding I'm on my forth cupcake.

Dear God, I've been very good today- No grumpy thoughts, no swearing, no smacking people in the head and no whining at all. But I'm about to get out of bed so I may need some help with the rest of the day.

Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anybody about.

The secret to being happy is having a good sense of humor and a Dirty Mind

The Lysol commercial told me to disinfect the things I touch the most. I have a feeling that this is going to burn.

We have to stop this recent culture of people telling us they're "Offended" and expecting us to care

I 've learned so much from my mistakes I'm thinking of making a few more

It's been one of those "I can no longer be held responsible for my actions" kind of days

What do you call a sleepwalking Nun? A Roamin' Catholic

You may not have lost all your marbles, but there's definitely a hole in your bag.

I used to be crazy but one of my voices is a therapist and declared I am sane.

Just call me the little engine that said "Ok, but I need a cup of coffee first."

What does it mean when Holy water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)?

Some say that their body it a temple…Mine is a bouncy castle

Diet Tip: If you feel hungry you could really be just Thirsty. Drink a pitcher of Margaritas and see how you feel.

Today I bought a doughnut without the sprinkles. Diets are hard.

If Pigs could fly imagine how good their wings would taste.

Never ask a woman eating ice cream straight from the carton if she is OK.

Oh Lord, Please Keep all the stupid people from breeding. We are getting badly outnumbered down here.

When you see my head tilt to the right and I start to stare into space, I would RUN! The voices inside my head gave me a brilliant idea. Be very Afraid!

The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.

Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree. That makes it a plant, therefore , Chocolate counts as a salad. You're Welcome.

I run entirely on Caffeine and Inappropriate thoughts.

Why Weigh yourself? You could set yourself on Fire and then roll in Broken glass and still feel the same way.

Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent time making it.

Everyone has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

Saturday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT

Mot: ..... and So Today! – words of wisdom

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.

 I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew.

 I have a driver's license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great.

 I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it".

I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.

Now, I'm wondering... did I steal this meme from you, or did you steal it from me?

 *****************

Mot:  "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says,

"I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!".

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. 

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

Mot:  .. Pure Torture - Abuse I'm Sure! - Love it!!! ~~~~

Mot: . hmmmm OK... vegan folks -- Splain this un!! ~~~

Mot: Sum times that Diet Awareness Thingy is Just Too Much!! ~~~

Welcome to the Hotel Dinarland by Dr. Dinar

Thank you Dr. Dinar ( From Recaps Archives)

Welcome To The Hotel Dinarland  by Dr. Dinar

There it sits, like a giant used car lot spotlight shining in the sky. October 1, 2022.

The start of yet another fiscal year.

Okay, so theoretically we're still days away from the actual new fiscal year start date.

But with the way this year has been going so far, I won't be the least bit surprised to discover they have somehow managed to quarantine the current fiscal year prior to its scheduled closing date, thereby nullifying until further notice any and all upcoming dates of note.

Looking back, it's likely been a decade or more of these fiscal fiascos in the books for me.

But at this point, who's counting.

Well, come to think of it, probably somewhere in the neighborhood of about 5 million or so people are counting.

After all, when you've been held captive in these ludicrous lockdowns for the past few years , chances are you long ago ran out of sheep to count.

Will this "has to happen by" date be blown by like all the rest?

Another date that's been rumored to be the perfect day for the release of the RV/GCR.

Oh, and don't they have to announce the new budget prior to that date as well.

Talk about pressure.

Honestly, in all the years I've been involved in this RV/GCR shindig, they have yet to show any urgency to the release of the budget, either here or in Iraq, and I don't foresee that changing any time soon.

Which leads me to believe that the rumor of any fiscal year end/start date having anything whatsoever to do with the timing of the release of the RV/GCR is yet another Dinarland fabrication.

Nope, might as well put it in the same "Move along, nothin' to see here" category as all the other blown-by Budgets, Calender cancellations, Blue Moons, Numerical No-Shows and all the other craziness that has been rumored to be THE scheduled release date.

Makes one wonder if there is an actual scheduled release date of any sort on the books.

To be honest, I'm of the opinion that no one has this thing worked out.

Least of all the people rumored to be working on getting this thing worked out.

Meaning, there is no playbook for this "game".

No ready-made recipe for the "how", "what", "where" and "when" of it all.

Hence the very reason that no one, certainly not at our level, can figure this thing out.

Guru's included.

How can anyone be expected to have the answer to a question that even those that are supposedly working diligently to achieve completion have no hope of answering.

As much as I hate to say it, it's a process.

A process that is in the process of processin.

And until that process reaches the point where the process has completed all the necessary processing, thereby reaching the completion of the processing process, no one will be able to process their exchange.

Not the Private's, nor the John Q. Public's, Tiers 1 thru 100, likely none will be made liquid prior to the completion of the processing process.

Any thoughts you ever had of a double-scooping of dinar have been rendered null and void.

I don't know about you, but that kinda drives me up the wall.

I'm a planner, a scheduler.

I wanna know what my next move is going to be, long before I've finished making my last move.

I take huge pride in my preparation skills.

But how can one even begin to prepare for a future something when you have absolutely no idea what it is you're preparing for.

Yes, I still believe this RV/GCR will eventually happen.

Of that I've never wavered.

It's the "when" that has me pulling out what's left of my hair.

Has the thought of selling out and running away from this Dramafest ever occurred to me?

And by that do you mean more than ten times a day?

Why yes, as a matter of fact, it has.

On more than a few occasions no less.

However, similar to the Hotel California (made famous by Don Henley and The Eagles), the last thing I remember I was running for the door.

Desperate to find the passage back to the place I was before I was informed of this "too good to be true, two week maximum timeline" endeavor.

Suddenly, off in the distance, I caught a glimpse of a Broker chillaxin' in an Adirondack chair, selling IQD and VND out of a suitcase on the front porch of the Hotel Dinarland.

It was about that time I heard a faint "Relax, we are programmed to receive. You can check out any time you like... but you can NEVER leave!"

I don't know about you but I took that to be a sign.

A sign I couldn't ignore.

A sign that I must continue to hang in there, more than ever before.

I know this RV/GCR thing is real and I know it's going to happen.

And once it does I'll be able to help my family and friends, as well as myself and many others I've yet to meet live all of our dreams.

So I'm not "checking out" any time soon and I certainly hope you won't either.

Hang on folks, every passing day brings us closer to the finish line.

Kindly,

Dr. Dinar

Disclaimer; I'm not a Wealth Manager, Financial Advisor, CPA, Tax Attorney, RV/GCR Committee member, nor in any way connected with the Hotel Dinarland nor any of its Staff. I'm simply someone that chooses to believe in the power of positive thinking and on the odd chance this thing truly is real, I want to make sure I'm there at the finish line to enjoy it.

Some Sunday Night "Kicks and Grins" From TNT Members

TNT:

Mot:  the adventures Continue! – siiiiggghhhhhhh

I renewed my car insurance over the phone today and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.

I said, "Yes, I've got a dog."

 She said, "Would you like to insure him too?"

 I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!"

CandyKisses:   MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT A NOTE

Mot:  .. Guys! - its a Marital Thingy! ~~~~

Mot: .. Those Magical Marital Moments Ya KNows! ~~

CandyKisses:  AS I DO MORE LAUNDRY....

CandyKisses:   MY HOUSEKEEPING STYLE  

Mot:  and Yet Another Weight Reducing Tip ~~ from Mot of Course!

Mot: ... aaaaaahhhhhh - But - Whose acounting!! ~~

Thursday Night "Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q?: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.?

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q?: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's nappy very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

*************

Mot: Danny sets up ""Fred"" to go on a blind date with Shirley....

Danny sets up ""Fred"" to go on a blind date with Shirley, a friend of his. But ""Fred"" is a little worried about going out with someone he has never seen before.

“What do I do if she’s ugly?” says ""Fred"", “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”

“Don’t worry.” Danny says. “Just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, and then everything goes as planned. If you don’t, just shout Aaauuuggghhh! And fake an asthma attack.”

So that night, ""Fred"" knocks at Shirley’s door, and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. ""Fred""’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts, “Aaauuuggghhh!”

***************

Mot:  One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,

"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

Mot...... School - the 2nd Day! ~~~

Mot: .. a Reality When Raising the "'Wee Folks"" ~~~

Mot .... More Insight into Raising the ""Wee Folks"" ~~~

Mot:  dad gets scary surprise from kids while blowing leaves ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFMTn0ndUQY

"Bits and Pieces" Posted by Mot at TNT

Mot:  Wyatt, do not let this world change your kind heart young man for its people like YOU that will change this world

August 22 at 7:31 PM  ·

I am praying this reaches this young mans parents!!!

 Tonight as I was leaving football practice with my three kiddos my 4 year old was so tired he started crying and acting a fool as we were getting in the van. My 7 year old daughter started crying because I told her we were having red potatoes as a side for dinner and clearly she wasn’t a fan sooo I threw my hands up and said FORGET it - McDonald’s tonight!!

 We go through the drive through order food all three kids are now crying for one reason or the other I go to pay - I LEFT MY PURSE AT HOME. Welp now I wanted to cry. I look at the young man with tears in my eyes just from being stressed and annoyed and say “hun I am so sorry but I have to cancel that order I left my purse at home when we went to football tonight” WITHOUT HESITATION he takes out his wallet and swipes his card before I could even say “no I will be right back!”

I was like wait no hun it’s ok I will come back through then he replies “no it’s totally fine, my pleasure”.

I snapped a quick picture and asked his name to which he replied Wyatt ma’am. I told him I would be right back with cash for him & he tried hard to talk me out of it.

 I just want his parents to know how KIND & COMPASSIONATE your son was tonight! He made this stressed out momma pause for a moment and realize this is exactly what we parents are trying to do, raise great humans. Well Wyatt sir, you are an amazing human!!!

I went back and handed him cash and had to make him take it because he didn’t want to take more than he had paid but I wanted him to know that when you put good out in the world it comes back to you ten fold!

Wyatt, do not let this world change your kind heart young man for its people like YOU that will change this world for the better!

Credit: Brittany Reed

**

Mot:  Always looking fer an easier way to Clean the House So When ~~

Mot:  .. I Just Love My New Cereal!!! ~~~~

Mot:  .... Can You Just Imagine Doing This!! ~~ prank paper bag

Mot:  .... Finally!!!! ---men naming eyeshadow

Mot:  . Thinking of Someone Having a Tough Day! ~~~

"Humor While We Wait" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot: The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.   

The class was in full swing.  The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. 

She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.  Walking is especially beneficial.  It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier."  Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path. 

She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. 

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. 

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand. 

"Yes, answered the Instructor. 

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?? 

This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

************

Mot: South Dakota Rancher

The South Dakota Department of Labor claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

SD Govt agent:  I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

Rancher:  Well, there's my first hand who's been with me for 3 years.  I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged worker.  He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.  He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.

SD Govt agent:  That's the guy I want to talk to...the mentally challenged one.

Rancher:  That would be me.

************

Mot:  A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer."No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon.

"Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am.

Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.

"Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way.

Now, what was it she wanted?

"The clerk smiled and said, "Rain."

Mot: Yet another Awareness Tip as Ya Become More Seaoned! ~~~~

Mot:  .. aaaahhh to be Enlightened about that Marital Thingy! ~~~

Mot:  Eating out for a change.... part of that Marital Thingy! ~~

"Bits and Pieces" Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  You never know what a few kind words can mean to someone...

A five dollar tip.  It seemed so small and insignificant. I was at a Sonic Drive In which is not a place that I would normally give a tip but something magical happened when I listened to the still small voice today. I had a friendly young man bring my order to my car. He was talkative and pleasant. I had the feeling that I should ask him about his job.

I said, "How do you like working at Sonic? My boys work at Chick FIL A and II know that fast food jobs can be stressful." The young man replied, "It can be stressful sometimes but I like it. This is my first job and I just started this week." With that he hurried off to get another order to a customer.

I sat and watched him as I ate. He was probably about 18 years old. I had a feeling that he might have had some struggles in life but I could see the warrior spirit in him. He was determined to be successful at this job and I could tell he was trying so hard to make a life for himself.

When I was ready to leave, I called him over and gave him five one dollar bills. He was surprised and very grateful but I felt impressed to do more. I said, "I've been watching you work. You have such a great attitude. You're very friendly and I can see that you're really motivated to do your best. With those skills you're going to go really far in this world. You might not think so now but you will be a great success. I am a director of a big company. I interview people all the time and I can see your potential.

To my great surprise, the young man started to cry. He said, You don't know how much that means to me. That is going to make my life. I'm going to remember this forever. What's your name?" I told him my name and he said, "I love you Tanya" and I said I love you too! He walked away wiping tears from his eyes.

You never know what impact a few kind words can have on a person. If you feel impressed to show some kindness, go for it. I guarantee you will feel so uplifted. I thanked Heavenly Father for the opportunity He gave me to touch that young man's heart and give him some hope. I drove away with tears in my eyes and joy in my heart.

I will be checking in with this young man from time to time and my hope is I will find someone who has an opportunity for him to move up in his life.

Tanya White

************

Mot:  . Ya Knows that irritating Dandelion Weed Ya Can't Get Rid of – Wellllll

Here are some interesting facts about the dandelion flower:

The dandelion is the only flower that represents the 3 celestial bodies of the sun, moon and stars. . The yellow flower resembles the sun, the puff ball resembles the moon and the dispersing seeds resemble the stars.

The dandelion flower opens to greet the morning and closes in the evening to go to sleep.

Every part of the dandelion is useful: root, leaves, flower. It can be used for food, medicine and dye for coloring.

Up until the 1800s people would pull grass out of their lawns to make room for dandelions and other useful “weeds” like chickweed, malva, and chamomile.

The name dandelion is taken from the French word “dent de lion” meaning lion’s tooth, referring to the coarsely-toothed leaves.

Dandelions have one of the longest flowering seasons of any plant.

Dandelion seeds are often transported away by a gust of wind and they travel like tiny parachutes. Seeds are often carried as many as 5 miles from their origin!

Animals such as birds, insects and butterflies consume nectar or seed of dandelion..

Dandelion flowers do not need to be pollinated to form seed.

Dandelion can be used in the production of wine and root beer. Root of dandelion can be used as a substitute for coffee.

Dandelions have sunk their roots deep into history. They were well known to ancient Egyptians, Greeks and Romans, and have been used in Chinese traditional medicine for over a thousand years.

Dandelion is used in folk medicine to treat infections and liver disorders. Tea made of dandelion act as diuretic.

If you mow dandelions, they’ll grow shorter stalks to spite you.

Dandelions are, quite possibly, the most successful plants that exist, masters of survival worldwide.

A not so fun fact: Every year countries spend millions on lawn pesticides to have uniform lawns of non-native grasses, and we use 30% of the country’s water supply to keep them green.

Mot:  ... the Moral of the Story is ~~~~~

Mot:  . Kids these Daze! - siigghhhhhhhh ~~~~

Mot:  ..... A Duck Was About to ~~~~