“Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler” Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveler

December 8 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in
the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've
ever had!

Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.

I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night The
temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything
sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed
up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is
the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and
buried everything again. I didn't
realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling,
but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish
I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a** on the ice in
the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like h***. The
wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very
cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of
the d*** stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all
day The d*** snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said
they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying.

Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying.

Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done
and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white s**** fell today, and it's so cold,
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes
to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
had to p***. By the time I got undressed, p***ed and
dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of
the winter, but he says he's too busy.
I think the a**h*** is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke
the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
ever catch the son of a b**** who drives that snow
plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his b**** and
beat him to death with my broken shovel.. I know he
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100
miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the d*** snowplow.

December 25
Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the d***
slop tonight - Snowed in.

The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. D***, I hate
the snow!

Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife
says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one
more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the h*** did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The B------  is
driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now
he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the
beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his a?. The wife went home to
her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

“Humor While We Wait” Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot: . I still have so many unanswered questions

I’m getting older, and it’s just hit me—I still have so many unanswered questions! Like, who *did* let the dogs out? Where's the beef? How do you get to Sesame Street?

Why doesn't Dora just use Google Maps? And why on earth do eggs come in a flimsy carton, but batteries are locked up in packaging tougher than Fort Knox?

Oh, and why can’t women put on mascara without their mouth hanging open? Why is the word “abbreviated” so long? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavors, but dish soap has real lemons? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

 And why do we “put our two cents in,” but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”—who's getting that extra penny?

Also, why do "The Alphabet Song" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" have the same tune? Why did you just sing both to check? And seriously, what *is* Victoria’s secret?

Now, before you think I’m a genius, I should admit—I got this from a friend, who borrowed it from her brother’s girlfriend’s uncle’s cousin’s baby’s momma’s doctor, who lives next door to my old classmate’s mailman. Your turn to pass it on! Peace! (Credit to the original mastermind!)

 Mot: . Oh My

Mot: . Ya Knows - I Might - just Might Need it ... but ~~~~ 

Mot: Earl is a fast learner

Mot: .. Been There - Done That!! ---need something sweet

“Humor While We Wait” Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  The Curtain Rods

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle light, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home......Including the curtain rods.

************

Mot: .. Good Job 

Mot: . Truth be Known 

Mot: Clever he Can Beeeeee   

Mot:  with the Gas Prices so out of Hand!!!! 

Mot: . poor ole ""Opal""

*A Source Is A Source* By Dr. Dinar

From Recaps Archive

*A Source Is A Source* By Dr. Dinar

We've all heard the song "Whatever Gets You Thru The Night" by the amazing John Lennon. Combined with the talent of Elton John on backup vocals and piano, that song had all the ingredients, a recipe for a "win" if ever there was one.

After nearly a decade on this journey to the RV/GCR, it's pretty much come down to just that. Whatever it takes to help get you through the night and on to the next day. The next week... the next month.

To simply hang in there, especially during the toughest of times, when hanging in feels like the last thing you have the strength to do. Yet somehow we all have to muster the strength to hang in there and cross that finish line, shoe box full of currency held high.

Having received yet another email "update" pertaining to the latest going's on in Dinarland, I commented to a friend, a friend who has been involved in this thing even longer than I have, on how this or that Guru had lost not only their luster, but their believability as well. For me, anyway.

After years of hearing the exact same intel, post after post after post, there comes a point where the definition of insanity begins to weigh heavy on your mind. And you begin to question yours most of all.

Through the process of attrition, over time you begin to whittle away at your list of "sources" that you allow into your sphere of influence. And those that have earned a "No Access" pass. I know my List has dwindled to the point of not even needing a list. It's highly likely we all have trust issues revolving around this endeavor.

After all, it's been 8 years since we heard the UST was in lock down, cell phones taken away, eating pizza and sleeping on cots, no one allowed to leave until it's done. And try as we might to believe it, here we still sit, pizzaless.

Is this RV/GCR thing for real or is it just like your brother in law's second cousin's Barber told him it was from the very start. A scam, simply too good to be true.

Even though, deep down we all know in our hearts this RV/GCR thing is indeed real, I have a feeling that at one point or another we've all questioned our own sanity, wondering if "they" were right after all.

Her response to me concerning who to pay attention to and whose info to let go of wasn't a shock to me by any means. I've known all along that we disagree on whose source is right and whose is wrong. Which Guru is to be believed and which isn't. After all, they've all made predictions at one time or another and most are sitting with a 99.9% average. Unfortunately that's in the "wrong" column.

That's not to say that some of their "stuff" isn't true and correct. Chances are they all bring a nugget or two of truth in what they post.

But I wish you the best of luck in deciphering which is which and what is where. Especially at this point of the game, where nearly everybody is in "Zip Your Lips" NDA mode. Mostly because nearly everything that either has or hasn't happened isn't able to be verified, yay or nay.

Mostly because the Lamestream Media isn't a trust based point of reference. Between you and me, if I saw (or read) in the regular news that the sky was blue, I'd immediately make an appointment with an optician, in hopes of determining if I was indeed color blind or not because to be honest, the sky looks blue to me as well. And that would scare me. Like they say, trust but verify.

And if we can't trust the "normal" news, the next logical choice would be the "not so run of the mill behind the scenes" news sources. Which, to be honest, when someone labels them as Conspiracy Theorists, I tend to view them with even more credibility than their Nightly News counterparts.

That's not to say the Intel gatherer's, the so called Guru's, haven't played a very important part in all of this. Because I for one believe they're played an extremely important part in keeping 95% of us in the game.

Chances are very high that had we not had anything to chew on all these years, nothing to keep our flames burning brightly, many of us would have sold out and jumped ship long ago. So for that we are eternally grateful.

For those choosing to rely solely on a foundation based upon their own research, knowing the world will never survive on its current path without a complete makeover of the global economic infrastructure, the intel flowing throughout Dinarland won't play as large of a role in their hanging on.

But I have strong doubts that even for those "knowledge based" folks among us that the length of this journey hasn't at one time or another caused them to question their own belief structure in some way. It's only natural. After all, many "facts" are simply rumors repeated again and again.

Anyway, back to my friends response, which was nearly opposite to my thoughts. Meaning those Guru's that I no longer pay any attention to, she tends to rely on and vice versa. Not that she doesn't believe the few I pay attention to but she's more of an equal opportunity employer, choosing to believe they all bring something good to the table, in one form or another.

And while I don't share her opinion on some points, at some level I can't help but applaud her open mindedness. I wish I still held a bit of that brand new "it's goin' down tonight" feeling. I lost most of that on the way down to Jaded Avenue.

I'm sure there are many folks out there that can relate to this very situation. Not in agreement with their family or friends as to the who's, how's, what's and why's of this thing. Only in the knowing that it must happen. And without a doubt, the sooner, the better.

I say all this in hopes of letting everyone know that there are others out there that share your thoughts. Whatever they may be. That feel the same way you do. And that we're all on this amazing journey together, basically with one thing in mind. To reach the finish line, sanity intact.

So, whatever "source" it is helping you to remain positive, enabling you to stay in the game despite everything around you saying run, as fast as you can, in another direction, at the end of the day a source is a source. Unless of course... well, you know the rest.

Sincerely,

Dr. Dinar

Welcome To The Unknown Zone By Dr. Dinar

From Recaps Archives:  Well- here's to all of us who are frustrated, depressed and wondering if we are all idiots for believing in the RV/GCR........Maybe a little humor will help today . 

Welcome To The Unknown Zone  By Dr. Dinar

How on Earth can we still be here? And by "here", I mean on this journey. This journey to a place no one has ever been. To a destination that doesn't exist on any map. At least not on a map that we can purchase. Certainly not at our pay grade anyway.

Nope. Whatever is (or isn't) going on here, either in front of or behind the scenes, is rated GCRCO (Global Currency Reset Committee Only). Yep, like it or not, the GCR Committee has cranked up the Parental Controls to full on "No Peeking - No Speaking" mode.

Strictly a "need to know" basis and apparently, there must be a bit of confusion because for some strange reason, they're under the impression we don't need to know. Oh, if they only knew how wrong they are, I just know they'd change their minds. Well, I'd like to think so anyway.

As we eek into the supposed final stretch of this far too long, get rich not all that quickly, not quite overnight journey, all of the so-called "Sources" have basically clammed up. Shut down, zipped their lips, gone the way of the NDA and I must admit; the silence is deafening. And if left unchecked, a bit disheartening as well.

Sure, we continue to hear that everything's done, the Bank's are on RED alert, security is in place and this thing could pop at any minute. One minute it won't be; and the next minute, it will be.

That "suddenly", without notice, all of a sudden everything will change. That those of us fortunate enough to be aware of the GCR/RV opportunity will go from the "have not's" to the "have plenty's". But just how often can we continue to hear that same ol' stuff and still believe it.

Have we all been duped? Including the Banks! They've been hearing it for years, just like we have. At some point even those of us with the strongest of foundations wouldn't be frowned upon for at some point questioning our own thoughts. Our own beliefs. Our own foundations.

Yes, we did our due diligence, our own research. Otherwise why on Earth would we still be involved. But that alone can only be relied on for so long.

When I first jumped on board, even though we didn't know it at the time, things were oh so much easier. And by easier, I mean there were quite a few less "thing's" we had to keep our eyes on.

Back then the name of the game was RV. Simple as that. The RV of the IQD. All RV... all Iraq... all the time. That was it. Even the VND was just a faint rumor at best. Nothing worth paying any attention to.

All they had to do was oust Maliki, keep Sadr from following through on his dastardly deeds, let Shabibi take the reins, release them from the "Program" rate, pop their "deenar" up to the new rate and BOOM, we were done. Pretty simple, huh?

And when we saw the first hint of the sanctions against Iraq being lifted late in 2010, we just knew we were there. Next thing would be the removal of Iraq from the OFAC List. Add them to the WTO. Presto change-o, post it in the Gazette, declare their new fangled currency Internationally tradeable and we were done. On the bus and off to the Bank we would go.

But hang on there Dinarland, not so fast. Best to keep your hands, feet, as well as your camel in the corral. At least until this ride comes to a complete stop. Turns out there were still a couple more steps to complete before we reached the Station.

That was confirmed at the end of June, 2011, when all of Shabibi's promises went down the drain and we all hunkered down in the knowing that this thing was likely to drag out just a bit further.

Sure, we'd heard rumors of another train runnin' down the tracks. Luckily it was a different train, on a different set of tracks. Something called The Marshall Plan. But no worries. Once again, just another rumor. A rumor that we were assured wouldn't affect us. Stay focused, it's nothing we need to pay attention to.

After all, rumors were our bread and butter. We lived on 'em... we thrived on 'em. We'd already heard plenty of stuff from the "Sandbox" and all the Contractors in the "Green Zone" getting paid the "RV Rate", so we were quite accustomed to rumors never panning out. Good or bad.

Still we were told to fold our trays and return our seats to an upright position because we'd be landing very soon. And although the plane was continually circling, it was bound to land at some point in the very near future.

I mean a plane's fuel tank is only so large, so logically it can only remain in the air for so long. Problem is they somehow forgot to mention the plane was continually being refueled by a Tanker circling very nearby.

The rumors of another set of tracks began to increase, getting louder with every "Chug" of the train. Those "tracks", although they were initially running parallel to our track to prosperity, to paying it forward, to living the lives we all dreamed of, surely would never affect our track to the RV. Or would they.

Unfortunately we can all see now just how that original "plan" worked out. It didn't. And it was at that point that most of us began to pay more attention to all those GCR rumors and to the impact they could possibly have on us reaching our goal of a simple RV of the IQD any time soon. Maybe there was more to this thing after all.

While some of us might have originally taken this leap of faith, risking our entire everything, our future's, our relationships with family and friends, even our own sanity by jumping on board the Insane Train, with little to not a whole lot of prior research, that would be completely understandable.

After all, I would have to believe that when many of us first became aware of this here RV thing, we only had two weeks before it was going to "pop" and it could take a week or more just to receive our currency. So it was kind of a now or never, believe or don't believe, get in at your own risk kind of thing.

And so we jumped in, phone's always on, alarm clocks set for two weeks, readier than ready. But as the months and weeks continued to tick by, we began to do more and more of our own due diligence. Anything to prove, even if only to ourselves, that this thing was indeed real. And was really going to happen.

I dug deep and when I began to discover names like Haliburton being granted huge contracts, Citibank being offered the first Bank Charter, China signing contracts to build thousands of homes, and a huge laundry list of "biggies" all chomping at the bit to get a piece of Iraq, for reasons both known and unknown, I was convinced that this thing was real.

If "they" were so eager to pay to play, I knew I really wanted to be a part of it as well. Never having to look back and wonder "What if?"

As time went by I also began to realize that although the original intention of this whole RV deal was indeed a "behind the scenes", get rich quick scheme for the "Big Boys Club" as it were, that wasn't going to stop me from wanting a piece of the pie as well. In fact, it only added to my motivation.

Upon seeing that their plan wasn't working out as they'd hoped, yet they weren't in any hurry to "cash out" and walk away, further convinced me to stay. Oh no, they were in it for the long haul. Therefore, so was I. Right to the bitter end. As long as I still held one note, I'd be in it to win it.

If at some point I came to the realization that I no longer believed in what I've spent the past "far too long" believing in, then chances are very good I'd already be hanging out with Elvis, outside some random building somewhere East of the Las Vegas Strip wondering how I could've been so wrong. Questioning every thought I ever had pertaining to the validity of this RV/GCR thing.

But I'm not hangin' with The King. Not yet anyway. Nope, I'm still right here, right now. And hopefully I'll continue to be until I reach the finish line. Wherever and whenever that may be.

Okay, so yes, maybe the Banks have been told to be ready so they don't have to get ready to be ready for going on, I don't even know how many years now. So long in fact that I've basically lost count, which is a good thing.

And while I'd like to think that's all part of their "Boy who cried wolf until he was old enough to be put into an Assisted Living facility" Plan, chances are there was no plan after all and they are simply "wingin' it", making up the rules as they go along. Up against something so huge that there is absolutely no way to put a "date" on this moving target. And it has nothing to do with us whatsoever.

And while they might have timelines, deadlines, and "windows", not a one of them are cast in stone. Therefore they can all be stepped over, crossed and broken as needed. I have the distinct feeling they flip their own script quite often.

Either way, I don't think we're ever going to know for sure. In the old days I wanted nothing more than to know (after the fact) what was truly going on behind the scenes this entire time. When we thought they were "zigging", were they actually "zagging", and were they ever truly in control of the situation or was it just uncontrolled chaos at its finest.

Mellowing with wisdom gained through time and research, at this point I'm much more content to leave the unknown alone, looking forward to the future as opposed to deciphering the past. Any thoughts of Dinarland and this journey will happily be left in my rear view mirror. And might I add, not a minute too soon.

I'm more than anxious to be done and movin' on, getting my new life in gear. I have quite a bit of paying it forward I'd like to accomplish and there's no time like the present to get started.

They always said it would get crazy near the end. Well, the crazy part has been going on for over a decade, so I'm not too sure about when the crazy part actually started. Or when it will officially end.

They also mentioned that as we got closer, everything would go quiet. Not a peep, not a sound. I'm not so sure they thought that "sound of silence" would be NDA induced but whatever. I tend to believe that's our current stage.

It seems as if lips are zipped and not a word can be heard from in front of, nor from behind the scenes. Which, when you think about it, as agonizing as it may be, makes total cents. Ooops, I mean sense.

So, if at all possible, please do your best to enjoy the silence. I know it's not easy but relish the unknown. The middle ground between the not yet and the RV/GCR, between back screens and Teller screens, between the pit of rumors and the summit of fruition.

This is the dimension of imagination, the place we've dreamed of reaching for far too long. The time when all of our thoughts, our beliefs, our faith in our own due diligence will truly be tested like never before. It is an area which I affectionately call, The Unknown Zone.

All my best,

Dr. Dinar

Disclaimer; I'm not a Wealth Manager, Financial Advisor, CPA, Tax Attorney, RV/GCR Committee member, nor am I a time traveler from the Twilight Zone. I'm simply someone that chooses to believe in the power of positive thinking and on the odd chance this thing truly is real, I want to make sure I'm there at the finish line to enjoy it.

“Humor While We Wait…and Wait…and Wait” Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  . in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and then

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theater. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and then put the cat in the backyard.

When our Uber arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our parakeet we didn’t want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

Because I didn’t want the Uber driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.

A few minutes later he got into the Uber all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the car pulled away, “Sorry it took so long but the stupid **** was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time.

But it worked! I hauled her fat ass down the stairs and threw her into the backyard….she had better not shoot in the vegetable garden again.”

The silence in the Uber was deafening…..

************

Mot:  ............ The Secret to a Happy Marriage

I asked my friend, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?” He replied, “You should share responsibilities with love and respect each other. Then, there will be no problems.”

Curious, I asked him to explain. He said, “In my house, I make decisions on bigger issues, while my wife decides on smaller ones. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.” 

Still unconvinced, I requested examples. He elaborated, “Smaller issues like which car to buy, how much to save, when to visit the supermarket, when and where to go on vacation, which sofa, air conditioner, or refrigerator to buy, and whether to keep a maid are all decided by my wife. I just agree to it.”

I then asked, “What is your role?” He smiled and said, “My decisions are for very big issues like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, whether Bodoland should be formed, or whether Ronaldo should retire from football. My wife never objects to any of these decisions.”

************

Mot:  12 commandments fur Seniors

Mot: Hiding from Gramma

Mot ... Sign of the Time!!! 

Sabickford’s “Greatest Hits” and One Liners” While We Wait

Sabickford’s “Greatest Hits” From Recaps Archives

I'm not saying it's hot outside but two Hobbits just threw a ring into my backyard

Warning- going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday

I want to start juicing but I'm hesitant, I don't know how to juice Tacos

I've finally lost my mind. If found Don't bother to return it. It wasn't working properly anyway.

For the first time in forever, I decided to go shoot some pool tonight. You should have seen the look on the face of those swimmers.

Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.

I had My Wife Begging to me the other night - She was on her knees Begging - She Said Please come out from under the Bed and Fight Like A Man

I only do what the voices in my wife's head tell her to tell me to do…

Chinese proverb: "Man who want nurse for girlfriend must be patient"

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

I'm great at multi-tasking - I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Tomorrow is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day!" I just made that up. Tell the Others,

I was born with my heart on my sleeve, a fire in my soul, and a mouth I can't control

Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you

It's ok to swallow your pride, You won't gain a pound

Inside me is a thin man trying to get out…I usually shut him up with chocolate.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.

I hate it when the voices in my heads go Silent… I never know what they are planning.

How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I have to eat before I start seeing results?

Wouldn't it be really fun if breast implants came with Squeaky toys inside them?

I'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces from now and then.

Nothing Says 'I HATE YOU" like giving someone's Kid a Drum Set

TEENAGERS tired of being harassed by your parents? ACT NOW move out, get a job, and Pay your own way , QUICK while you still know everything!

A State trooper was asked on a Exam "What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?" In the Blank he put "Call for Backup!!!"

The cashier said Strip down, facing me. How was I to know she meant my debit card?

To All Trolls - So tell me.. Is your butt aware that you head had moved in?

When people cut you down or talk behind your back remember, they took time out of their pathetic lives to think about you.

You're not drunk until you have to grab onto the grass to keep from falling off the earth.

Sometimes life bites you in the Butt. Thankfully I have enough padding there to take the hit.

I sometimes put a sticky note on someone's car saying "Sorry for the Damage" . It's kind of funny watching them look for the damage.

Be the reason someone smiles today! Or the reason they drink. Whatever works.

I need a part-time job that pays $30,000 a week.

My brain is experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by…

Don't they already have enough comedians in Politics?

Karma is like a rubber band. You can only stretch it so far before it comes back and SMACKS you in the face.

Never water yourself down just because someone can't handle you 100 proof

A police office came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 & 6. He seemed annoyed when I answered 'Kindergarten"

The more you weigh the harder you are to kidnap. Stay Safe - Eat cake.

I'm 100% sure I called shotgun, while you were shoving me in the back. Yea I realize I'm being arrested but the rules of shotgun are pretty clear, Man.

I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you need to be 'Saved" or you will "Burn". Stupid Firemen

I started on a new diet. It's called the "I have $10 until Friday" diet

Not one drop of my self worth depends on your acceptance of me

If procrastination was an Olympic Sport, I'd compete in it later.

I Think my problem is that I have really Fantastic bad ideas

I stopped explaining myself when I realized people only understand from their level of perception.

Don't believe all the rumors you hear about me, the truth is much worse.

Old People at weddings always poke me and say "You're Next!" So I started doing the same thing to them at Funerals.

I Hate Tacos! Said No Juan Ever

I have been putting a lot of thought into it and I don't think being an adult will work for me.

Sometimes the first steps to forgiveness is understanding the other person is an idiot.

I hate the term "Crazy" - I Prefer Happy with Benefits.

When I was a kid you didn't have to say "Don't Try This At Home!" Because we weren't complete morons back then.

I believe that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise

When does Hibernation start because I am 100% participating in that.

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years without a brain has given hope to many people.

Insanity is Hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I'm not much on Seizing the Day, I just poke at it with a stick.

I swear some people need a stamp on their forehead saying "DON"T REPRODUCE"

My bank has a new service where they text you your balance. It's cool, I just don't think they should add "LOL" at the end

If Being sarcastic burned calories, I'd be transparent by now.

“I need to talk to you!!" These six words have the ability to make you instantly recall every bad thing you have ever done, and some you didn't

You know it's been a good day when you didn't have to unleash the flying monkeys.

Don't be afraid of being outnumbered. Remember Eagles fly alone. Pigeons flock together.

Relationships are like a walk in the park- Jurassic park

The hardest part of parenting is trying to fake mad when your kid does something bad but Hilarious.

My soulmate is out there somewhere, pushing a pull door. I just know it.

Now they've invented a pregnancy test with a curved handle so you don't get pee on your hands. Listen, if you aren't ready to get pee on your hands, you definitely NOT ready for Motherhood.

Our town was so small the we didn't have a town Drunk, So we all took turns.

 Look, I'm trying to Rant Here. Stop interrupting me with Facts and Reason

Not to Brag.. I don't even need alcohol to make bad decisions.

I am fluent in three languages…English, Sarcasm, and Profanity

My Morning coffee makes me feel like I have my stuff together. I don't. But it makes me feel like I do.

My son asked me to explain women to him, SO I bought him a Xbox game for his PlayStation.

I don't need someone who sees the good in me. I need someone who sees the Bad and still wants me.

You are going to be Fine. You come from a long line of Lunatics.

I think I need professional Help. A Chef, A Butler and A Maid should do it.

In a packed Elevator, everyone is silent. Stomach: I will now Demonstrate the Mating call of a Whale.

If you line up all your Ex's in a row you can see the flow chart of your mental Illness.

Don't use the Bathroom in your dream…It's a Setup!!!

Before you ask me to babysit I think you should know that I think kids are super funny when they're drunk.

Eggs are fantastic for a fitness Diet. Don't like the taste? Add cocoa, butter, flour, sugar & butter. Bake 30 Min.

Got emotions? There's Alcohol for that.

And then alcohol said "put that on Facebook, it's hilarious". But alcohol was wrong, So Very wrong.

Sometimes it's just more fun to take the low road.

Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.

Some things are better left unsaid. Which I realize right after I have said them.

Someone offered me grapes but I declined. I'm not used to taking wine in pill form.

I'm not Cheap, but I am on special this week.

That awkward moment when you're singing a song you often sang as a child - and you suddenly understand the lyrics.

Judging by the looks of my hair this morning, I think I may be a Muppet.

Shout out to everyone who got through the day without taking a nap. Pulled a All-Dayer! Pretty Cool!

I think way too many people have been drinking from the Fountain of Stupid

Well what day will you have time for my shenanigans?

Lieabetes (Lie-a-bee-tees) -noun- A serious affliction some people suffer from that prevents them from being able to tell the truth regardless of the situation.

I Planned to take over the world, But I'm Tired

I found some things to do today. They're called mimosas

Wine-O-Lympics Everyone's a winner in these games

The revised Serenity Prayer…God grant me the strength to accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the devoted friends who will post bail money when I snap.

Redneck word of the Week Twerk….Imma have two more beers then it's back to TWERK

This antidepressant works best if you take it with water lapping near your hammock on a Caribbean beach.

I've expanded my skills. I can now forget what I'm doing while I'm actually doing it.

I never thought I would be the kind of person that would get up early to exercise. I was right.

Wish me luck in the Olympics. Just kidding I'm on my forth cupcake.

Dear God, I've been very good today- No grumpy thoughts, no swearing, no smacking people in the head and no whining at all. But I'm about to get out of bed so I may need some help with the rest of the day.

Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anybody about.

The secret to being happy is having a good sense of humor and a Dirty Mind

The Lysol commercial told me to disinfect the things I touch the most. I have a feeling that this is going to burn.

We have to stop this recent culture of people telling us they're "Offended" and expecting us to care

I 've learned so much from my mistakes I'm thinking of making a few more

It's been one of those "I can no longer be held responsible for my actions" kind of days

What do you call a sleepwalking Nun? A Roamin' Catholic

You may not have lost all your marbles, but there's definitely a hole in your bag.

I used to be crazy but one of my voices is a therapist and declared I am sane.

Just call me the little engine that said "Ok, but I need a cup of coffee first."

What does it mean when Holy water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)?

Some say that their body it a temple…Mine is a bouncy castle

Diet Tip: If you feel hungry you could really be just Thirsty. Drink a pitcher of Margaritas and see how you feel.

Today I bought a doughnut without the sprinkles. Diets are hard.

If Pigs could fly imagine how good their wings would taste.

Never ask a woman eating ice cream straight from the carton if she is OK.

Oh Lord, Please Keep all the stupid people from breeding. We are getting badly outnumbered down here.

When you see my head tilt to the right and I start to stare into space, I would RUN! The voices inside my head gave me a brilliant idea. Be very Afraid!

The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.

Chocolate comes from cocoa, which comes from a tree. That makes it a plant, therefore , Chocolate counts as a salad. You're Welcome.

I run entirely on Caffeine and Inappropriate thoughts.

Why Weigh yourself? You could set yourself on Fire and then roll in Broken glass and still feel the same way.

Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent time making it.

Everyone has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.

Keep Believin' In The Unbelievable! by Dr. Dinar

From Recaps Archives

Keep Believin' In The Unbelievable!   by Dr. Dinar

Sheesh. They can put a man on the Moon. Or at least we think they can anyway.

Could've been Hollywood magicification for all we know.

Without a doubt the lighting situation was highly suspect.

But let's go ahead and give 'em the benefit of the doubt, just for the sake of discussion.

What we do know is they can put shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle.

Well, according to the label anyway.

Even if we're unable to see inside the bottle itself, that much we can see.

However, based on the results, it certainly appears we're being fed some serious misdisinfo.

Would the shampoo company intentionally deceive us?

Naw... they wouldn't do that.

Or would they.

The all-in-one results certainly aren't anything even close to those derived from implementing them in a two-step process. Shampoo first, then conditioner.

Matter of fact it almost feels (and looks) as if there's been no conditioner applied whatsoever.

Once again, we're left with two options. Believe or don't believe.

Moving on, let's go with something a bit more visible. Like a sandwich.

We know they can put peanut butter and jelly in the same jar.

How do we know that? Because we can see it.

Yes, thanks to something as simple as a clear glass jar, we're able to see the two key ingredients in all their swirlicious glory.

We know what Peanut Butter looks like. We know what Jelly looks like.

Especially when both are applied to two separate slices of bread.

Both easily recognizable, totally different colors as well as tastes.

So when you see them both swirlified in the same clear glass jar, it's pretty much a no-brainer.

No need to be a believer in the unseen, the evidence is unmistakably clear.

So it only stands to reason that if they can do all of those things, then why on Earth can't they get this GCR done.

Yeah, yeah, I get it. This is a biggie.

A never previously been attempted, once in anybody's lifetime, one for the history books, global sized event.

Yet, isn't that exactly why they assigned this task to only the most intelligent folks on the planet.

If it were up to me and my goal was to make this GCR thing happen, I know I would do everything possible to ensure I had assembled the best Team available. Wouldn't you?

Isn't that sort of Rule No.1, hire those more intelligent than yourself.

It only makes sense.

Keeping all that in mind, we also have endless amounts of trendsetting technology at our fingertips.

From talking clones to flying drones, without a doubt we're wise beyond on years.

And still, with all that at their disposal, they still can't seem to get this done.

We're constantly being told that they've been working on getting this thing done for the past fartoomany years.

However, with no visible proof, one can't help but begin to wonder if this thing truly is getting done.

As in making forward progress of any sort.

Not to point fingers but if any of us were to be appointed to a similar position, we'd have been fired long ago.

And rightfully so.

After all, you're hired for one reason. To do a job.

One job. Complete a desired task.

Basically, to git 'r done.

And I don't know about you but from where I stand, they ain't got it done.

Not yet anyway.

Close? Maybe. But done?? Not so much.

I don't care how many hundreds of times I hear "It's done... we're just waiting for the release."

Until they release it, it ain't done.

Until it's liquid and spendable, it ain't done.

Until I can buy groceries and pay the electric bill to keep those groceries cold in the fridge, it ain't done.

Until I can buy the groceries for the person behind me in the grocery store line, it ain't done.

So please, if you're one of those continually saying "It's done, but... .", please check to see how important that add-on but is.

I believe you'll come to find that one little but makes all the difference.

Which brings me back to my original thought.

That being if any of us were in charge of getting it done, regardless of what "it" is, yet we continually fell short in accomplishing our goal, we'd surely be excused from our place of employment.

And our replacement would be hired (or recharged, depending on if we were to be replaced by a Robot or not) post haste.

Hmmmmm... replacement. That's it!

What if we seek out replacements for whomever the heck it is that's responsible for completing this task.

Whomever's job it is to make this RV / GCR thing happen. To git 'r done.

The one's that don't appear to be getting it done. Yeah, them folks.

Would it be a group such as the A-Team, with all of their battle-hardened skills?

Or a bunch such as Charlie's Angels, with their super-stealthish abilities among their many attributes.

Surely they could get the job done.

And no, I didn't refer to any of them as Shirley.

Heck, at this point I wouldn't care if it was The Brady Bunch.

As long as we're assured they're on our side and want the best for humanity, I'm okay with it.

But wait. Let's think about this for a second.

What if I'm wr... wro... mistaken in my thought process.

What if the people assigned to completing this task actually do want it done.

What if they are in fact doing their very best to get it released.

What if they are indeed on the good side, wanting the best for humanity.

After a decade of feeling as if it's entirely possible we've been duped, I think it's only natural to be more than a bit skeptical.

To begin to question everything and everyone involved in this situation.

Especially when we're all too aware of the many folks that don't want this to happen.

Yet, at some point you have to have faith.

In both the people in charge as well as the ongoing process itself and the supposed progress being made towards completing the process.

Think about it. Doesn't matter how long you've been involved in this exchange endeavor, if you're anything like me, then you've yet to see any factual signs of progress.

After hearing words such as Article 140, the HCL Law, new Prime Minister seated, Erbil Arbil Gerbil ramblin' by our monitors for over a decade now, one becomes quite numb to all of that delirium.

Meaning all of the supposed results are just as intangible as the forward progression of the process itself.

As Bruce Springsteen often says, we're runnin' on empty, runnin' blind, unable to see any progress nor the process itself.

He must be a currency holder.

Come to think of it, looking back, hasn't it pretty much been that way since the very start.

Runnin' on faith, believing in the unbelievable.

For the most part none of us had ever been to Iraq.

Yet we were so anxious to connect with someone that had (or had a connection to someone that had) that we were easily swept up by people that continually made claims of having connections in places we could never have imagined.

Were we idiots for believing them? Hmmm... perhaps. Let's hope not.

Believers in the unbelievable? Without a doubt.

And who could blame us.

If you're going to get involved in anything like the RV/GCR and you refuse to believe in the unseen, I wish you all the luck in the world.

You're gonna need it.

This whole thing runs on the unverified and unseen.

Believing in the unbelievable is key to surviving this journey.

So at this point in the process we're pretty much stuck believing that the people in charge of this RV/GCR thing, whomever they may be, have only the best of intentions.

Believing that they're working with much more intelligence and knowledge than we tend to give them credit for.

Or at the very least hoping they are well aware of Google and aren't afraid to use it.

Who knows, they might be just like us.

Hang in there folks and keep on believin' in the unbelievable.

Kindly,

Dr. Dinar

Disclaimer: Please consider everything in this post as my opinion. I’m not a professional Wealth Advisor, CPA, Tax Attorney, 'Rumor Of The Month' Club Salesman, etc.. I’m simply someone that chooses to believe in the unbelievable, including but not limited to, the possibility that they truly do want to get this thing done. Be sure to consult a professional for any financial decisions you make now and in the future.

The Worst Case Of "Rich Kid Syndrome"

People Are Spilling On The Worst Case Of "Rich Kid Syndrome" That They Have Ever Seen, And Some Of These Might Make Your Blood Start Boiling

BuzzFeed   Thu, July 4, 2024

At some point in our lives, I am sure we all have found ourselves interacting with someone who is completely out of touch because of their wealth. And while the person might not be trying to be malicious or trying to flaunt their wealth with what they're saying, it can still leave you with a not-so-great impression of them.

Jessica Walter as Lucille Bluth says, "It's one banana, Michael. What could it cost, ten dollars?" while holding a banana in a luxurious living room

A few months back, Reddit user WaterWire was interested in just that, in particular with people who grew up wealthy, when they asked: "What’s the worst case of “rich kid syndrome” that you’ve ever seen?"

The thread got over a thousand responses. Below are the top and best comments — which will probably make you roll your eyes a few times:

1."I used to work with someone who proclaimed to be an environmentalist. She was very preachy. Once, I had a can of Coke on my desk. She said, 'You're going to recycle that, right?' She used her father's personal jet all the time. Once, just to fly from NYC to Boston to see a baseball game."

2."A girl I went to school with crashed and totaled six cars in three years, and her parents continued buying her better and newer cars 'cause every accident 'wasn’t her fault,' and if she had stuff like a backup camera and sensors, they 'wouldn’t have happened.' She got into a fender bender in the school parking lot, and her dad showed up with a wad of cash and paid the other student off."

3."A former friend stamping her foot and crying because 'dad sold the jet and I have to take a commercial flight to our ranch.'"

4."An 'influencer' wondering why other people in their home country don't spend their life traveling like them."

5."Not me, but a friend of mine was an assistant trainer at a Panera store. They hired a teenager who was only working there to meet people. One day, a group left a huge mess in the dining room. Apparently, the teen turned to my friend and said, 'Should we get the help to clean that?' And my friend had to explain that they were the help. He apparently quit not long after."

6."A senior rich kid in my high school was driving his dad's Jaguar when his buddy asked him what would happen if he threw into reverse at 60mph. So they tried it and essentially blew the transmission and the motor up. A few months later, he got a Porsche for Christmas."

7."Had a guy work for me in the military. He thought he didn’t have to do anything because his parents would just 'call their friends.' He ended up getting kicked out for LSD and cocaine use."

8."I have a lot of extended family out in California who I’ve never met, but I sometimes hear stories from my parents, who keep in touch with a few relatives out there. One of my distant cousins, who was, like, 17 at the time, intentionally totaled the new BMW his parents bought him because he wanted a Mercedes instead. Can't remember if they ended up buying him that Mercedes or not, but they probably did. Sadly."

To Read More:

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/people-spilling-worst-case-rich-034602841.html

Thursday Night “Humor While We Wait” Posted by Mot at TNT

TNT:

Mot:  BBQ RULES:

We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity . When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:

(THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women

************

Red Skelton's Secrets to a Perfect Marriage

1. "I remember the first time I cooked for my wife. I burned the toast. I set off the smoke alarm. And when I opened the front door, the fire department rushed in!"

2. "The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once."

3. "They say love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener."

4. "My wife got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off."

5. "Marriage is an institution where the man loses his bachelor’s degree and the woman gets her master’s."

6. "When I married Miss Right, I didn't realize her first name was 'Always'."

7."For our anniversary, I took my wife to dinner. She loved it so much she wants to go again next year."

8. "A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband."

9. "My wife told me to take out the trash. I said, 'You cooked it, you take it out!'"

10. "A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

Mot: I Had Noooo Idea that I was a Vegan!! -- Kool!!!

Mot:  . Sooooooo -- How Was da Fishing!!???? 

“Men are Just Happier People” Posted by Mot at TNT

Mot:  Men are just happier people......

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.  

One mood all the  time.  

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own  jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.  

Your underwear is  $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.  

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.  

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.  

NICKNAMES

·          If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

·          If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .

 EATING OUT

·          When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

·          When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 MONEY

·          A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

·          A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

 BATHROOMS

·          A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

·          The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. 

A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

·          A woman has the last word in any argument.

·          Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

FUTURE

·          A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

·          A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

·          A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

·          A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

 DRESSING UP

·          A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

·          A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

·          Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

·          Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

·          Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

·          A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and can handle it ....  and to the men who will enjoy reading it

**********.

 Mot ..... everyday -- its Amazing -- Everyday !!!!!